Can’t be bothered moving to computer which is all shut down for the night so doing this from phone. Largely alien territory for me to blog from phone so if this is incomprehensible then blame the phone and not me 🙂
I’ve been thinking about this blog for a few days, not sure why, maybe because it’s quite alien territory for me (twice I’ve used that alien phrase now…any thoughts Freud?). It strikes me that anything published here (I have a stack of saved drafts considered unfit for public consumption yet) is part of me that I have sent ‘into the unknown’ and therein lies a certain vulnerability. Those who read it will be unknown to me other than through their blogs and avatars/gravatars and I confess it feels a little strange ‘talking to people’ that I have never met in ‘real life’ or more accurately ‘in person’ because cyberspace and all that dwells there is in itself one in a multitude of corners of ‘real life’.
Indeed, most readers of this blog live on other continents and that in itself feels a little ‘disconnecting’ even while it is an adventure to engage in this form of communication.
But back to the point of this posting (I have always had difficulty sticking to the point). For roughly the last decade I suffered varying levels of depressive illness from extreme to minor. Throughout that period I have had entire encyclopaedia’s of thoughts go through my mind in various guises and degrees of revision. In all these years I have written things down on paper and typed slowly on a keyboard but none of this has ever gone further than the four walls of my own room.
In the last few years I have become aware of an inner voice that is no longer satisfied with only being heard by itself and engaging with its own inner dialogue. I have felt a growing compulsion to be heard, to express that voice further afield, regardless of any response. This is the reason for this blog. I have said in the About Me bit that I want to highlight the amazing somewhere’s that have littered my path and that remains true although I have sometimes struggled to understand what that Somewhere Amazing actually means to me or how to articulate it.
Sometimes I wish there was some kind of futuristic mechanism whereby thoughts and concepts could be transmitted straight to the page or screen without the need for a human vessel to ‘translate’ because what appears on my screen is invariably lacking compared to what was/is in my head. But I don’t have a futuristic devise so my partial attempts at translating and transferring what is in my head will have to suffice.
I am wondering if, ultimately, the person who will gain most from this blog is me? I am wondering if the person I will be in several years time will have changed in a greater or lesser way because of this blog (no pressure on you then blog…), will I be recognisable to myself? As I wrote in a previous posting, the person I was as a child and teenager is a different person to the one I am now, and that transformation will continue I have no doubt, it is the evolutionary nature of the human soul.
So here is my voice, engaged in the process it most desires, that of being heard. The fascination is with how that voice will change as it interacts with the world it reaches and responds to that world.
A huge big thank you to all who have liked and commented on my postings thus far, your interaction is genuinely appreciated and, frankly, humbling. I still feel new to this and am still finding my feet, other than at the bottom of my legs 🙂
And remember, any incomprehensible bits of this post are solely the fault of the phone it was typed on 😉
Thanks for reading.